HAVE YOU EVER HEARD THE SONG  “GREEN DOOR” ? BACK IN THE DAY IT WAS A POPULAR SONG, WITH A SNAZZY TUNE AND A QUESTION. THE QUESTION WAS AND STILL IS: WHAt’S BEHIND THE GREEN DOOR???

THIS MORNING AS I WAS AWAKENING I HAD MY ANSWER AS TO WHAT THAT GREEN DOOR MENT TO ME ALL OF MY LIFE. MY GREEN DOOR IS THE ENTRANCE INTO MY MIND. FINALLY I HAVE A SLIVER OF WHAT IS THERE.

I  HAVE STRUGGLED TO CONQUER AND GAIN PEACE WITH MY DEAMONS AS MANY, IF NOT MOST PEOPLE ALSO DO. NOT THAT I AM DEAMON POSSESSED, I AM NOT. AS I SUFFERED EXTREEM ABUSE, MOSTLY FROM THE PATERNAL PARENT. THERE WAS ALSO THE JEALOUSLY OF MY MATERNAL PARENT.

BEING TWO YEARS OLD THE FIRST TIME I WAS WITH HIM AS HE SCOUTED AND FOUND A YOUNG MAN, HITCH HIKING, WILLING AND EAGER TO MOLIST A CHILD. AS CHARLES DID WHAT HE LIVED FOR. I WAS PLACED IN THE MOST SHOCKING POSTION POSSIBLE, TO BE DRENCHED WITH THE BLOOD OF HIS VICTUM.

FORTUNATELY THAT IS THE WHOLE MEMORY THAT I HAVE FROM THAT EXPERIENCE. THE PSYCHOLOGIST WHO WORKED WITH ME WENT NO FURTHER WITH THOSE MEMORIES, THAT CONNECTED ME, TO REACH THE HEALING OF MY MIND, THAN WAS NECESARY.  HE IS A PERSON OF HEBREW DESCENT, DR. GEORGE SINGER. I HAD RESEARCHED AND FOUND HE WAS THE BEST DOCTOR IN BAKERSFIELD IN HIS FIELD.  WELLLL   I GLORIFY MYSELF, I ONLY ASK AND WAS ANSWERED BY A PROFESSIONAL WHO HAPENED TO BE IN A POSITION TO KNOW AND ADVISE ANYONE SUCH AS MYSELF.

WELL THE OTHER STUFF HAD BEGAN AS A TODDLER.  HOW FRANCES COULD HAVE BEEN JEALOUS OF ME, I DO NOT UNDERSTAND. I HAVE BEEN TOLD THAT THERE WAS NOT MUCH SHE COULD HAVE DONE, I FIND IT HARD TO BELIEVE SHE DID NOT DEAL WITH THE MAN, WHILE IN HIS SLEEP PERHAPS. I MUST NOT JUDGE HER, AS THAT IS A VERY EASY SIN TO COMMITT. I DO MYSELF  COME UP LACKING, I REALIZE THAT. SO VERY MUCH.

MY “RECOVERY” HAS BEEN LONG AND MANY TIMES DIFFICULT. OUR CREATOR HAS BEEN WITH ME EVERY STEP OF THE WAY AND AT TIMES I HAVE BEEN ANGRY AT, OR IS IT ‘WITH’ HIM? BUT ALWAYS SUSTAINED BY HIM.

I MUST CLOSE FOR NOW. WE ARE PACKING AND WILL SOON HAVE CLOSED ESCROW ON OUR HOME. WE WILL BE MOVING OUT OF STATE AND ENJOYING ‘OUR’ RETIREMENT.

UNTIL NEXT TIME,

PATRICIA

 

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