NOBODY’S PROPERTY

I WONDER HOW MANY PEOPLE OUT THERE FEEL THE WAY I DO?

IAM NO LONGER A DAUGHTER FOR A DAD TO ABUSE. THE ABUSE I RECIEVED FROM CHARLES WAS HORRENDOUS. HE WAS FROM THE KING-PIN FAMILY IN HIS FARMING COMMUNITY.

I AM NO LONGER A WIFE TO A MAN WHO PAID $3.00 FOR A MARRIAGE LICENSE, THEN TURNED TO ME AND SAID,”I OWN YOU NOW. YOU BELONG TO ME. NO LONGER MARRIED TO THIS PERSON WHO STILL TRIES TO CONTROL ME, AS HE HAS TRIED TO DESTROY ME.

I AM MARRIED TO A GOOD MAN WHO I LOVE AND CHERISH THE LIFE WE HAVE TOGEATHER. SO ALL IS GOOD AND I AM BECOMMING MORE AND MORE THE PERSON I WAS CREATED TO BE.

PRAISE GOD.

PATRICIA.

 

 

Green door

HAVE YOU EVER HEARD THE SONG  “GREEN DOOR” ? BACK IN THE DAY IT WAS A POPULAR SONG, WITH A SNAZZY TUNE AND A QUESTION. THE QUESTION WAS AND STILL IS: WHAt’S BEHIND THE GREEN DOOR???

THIS MORNING AS I WAS AWAKENING I HAD MY ANSWER AS TO WHAT THAT GREEN DOOR MENT TO ME ALL OF MY LIFE. MY GREEN DOOR IS THE ENTRANCE INTO MY MIND. FINALLY I HAVE A SLIVER OF WHAT IS THERE.

I  HAVE STRUGGLED TO CONQUER AND GAIN PEACE WITH MY DEAMONS AS MANY, IF NOT MOST PEOPLE ALSO DO. NOT THAT I AM DEAMON POSSESSED, I AM NOT. AS I SUFFERED EXTREEM ABUSE, MOSTLY FROM THE PATERNAL PARENT. THERE WAS ALSO THE JEALOUSLY OF MY MATERNAL PARENT.

BEING TWO YEARS OLD THE FIRST TIME I WAS WITH HIM AS HE SCOUTED AND FOUND A YOUNG MAN, HITCH HIKING, WILLING AND EAGER TO MOLIST A CHILD. AS CHARLES DID WHAT HE LIVED FOR. I WAS PLACED IN THE MOST SHOCKING POSTION POSSIBLE, TO BE DRENCHED WITH THE BLOOD OF HIS VICTUM.

FORTUNATELY THAT IS THE WHOLE MEMORY THAT I HAVE FROM THAT EXPERIENCE. THE PSYCHOLOGIST WHO WORKED WITH ME WENT NO FURTHER WITH THOSE MEMORIES, THAT CONNECTED ME, TO REACH THE HEALING OF MY MIND, THAN WAS NECESARY.  HE IS A PERSON OF HEBREW DESCENT, DR. GEORGE SINGER. I HAD RESEARCHED AND FOUND HE WAS THE BEST DOCTOR IN BAKERSFIELD IN HIS FIELD.  WELLLL   I GLORIFY MYSELF, I ONLY ASK AND WAS ANSWERED BY A PROFESSIONAL WHO HAPENED TO BE IN A POSITION TO KNOW AND ADVISE ANYONE SUCH AS MYSELF.

WELL THE OTHER STUFF HAD BEGAN AS A TODDLER.  HOW FRANCES COULD HAVE BEEN JEALOUS OF ME, I DO NOT UNDERSTAND. I HAVE BEEN TOLD THAT THERE WAS NOT MUCH SHE COULD HAVE DONE, I FIND IT HARD TO BELIEVE SHE DID NOT DEAL WITH THE MAN, WHILE IN HIS SLEEP PERHAPS. I MUST NOT JUDGE HER, AS THAT IS A VERY EASY SIN TO COMMITT. I DO MYSELF  COME UP LACKING, I REALIZE THAT. SO VERY MUCH.

MY “RECOVERY” HAS BEEN LONG AND MANY TIMES DIFFICULT. OUR CREATOR HAS BEEN WITH ME EVERY STEP OF THE WAY AND AT TIMES I HAVE BEEN ANGRY AT, OR IS IT ‘WITH’ HIM? BUT ALWAYS SUSTAINED BY HIM.

I MUST CLOSE FOR NOW. WE ARE PACKING AND WILL SOON HAVE CLOSED ESCROW ON OUR HOME. WE WILL BE MOVING OUT OF STATE AND ENJOYING ‘OUR’ RETIREMENT.

UNTIL NEXT TIME,

PATRICIA

 

Some kina cousin

FRANCES TOULD ME A MES. TREMAN  (DISTANT COUSIN)  ASK IF I COULD ACCOMPANY HER ON A TRIP TO SEE HER RELATIVE’S IN COLORADO. IT WAS REALLY NICE TO BE TREATED AS IF I WERE A PERSON. HER KIDS AND I IN A COLARDO RIVER OR STREAM.

I STAYED WITH SHIRLEY AND DELAINE BENNETT. FUN… I WENT TO SCHOOL WITH DELAINE, SHE HAD A BEST FRIEND WHO WAS A REAL FUN CHARACTER, WHO COULD GET AWAY WITH A COOKY SENCE OF HUMOR, IN THE CLASS ROOM WITH A STERN TEACHER. I THINK SHE COULD  APPRECIATED A BRIGHT STUDENT WHO JUST WENT WITH WHAT SHE  ?FELT?  OR WHATEVER.

THEN WE ALL WENT TO A FRIDAY NIGHT DANCE. I’M NOT SURE I DANCED, MAYBE. SHIRLEY WAS WITH HER NEWLY WED HUSBAND, WHO COMPLAINED THAT HE COULD GET HER TO STAY HOME, FOR “A LITTLE QUIET” TIME.

PATRICIA

Nurse’s training in the 1930’s

FRANCES IN NURSES TRAINING AT GOOD SAMATRIAN HOSPITAL I THINK IT WAS IN OKLAHOMA. WITH A FRIEND. SHES SOMEONE I NEVER THINK AS HAVING FRIENDS. SHOULDERS MAYBE WHO FOLLOW ORDERS.

CHARLES CAME TO GET HERE AND THEY DID GET MARRIED. NURSES TRAINING CAME BEFORE SHE COULD BECOME A AIRPLANE STEWARD’S, WHICH WAS HER PLAN.

PATRICIA

1950’S

FRANCES ALLOWED ME TO GO TO THE LAKE WITH DARREL’S FAMILY. IT WAS FUN UNTIL THE FIRST NIGHT. I SLEPT ON A MATTRESS IN THE BACK OF A PICKUP BED WITH DARRELS SISTER-IN-LAW. SHE ASK ME WHEN DARREL AND I WERE GOING TO GET MARRIED? I JUST LAID THERE AND SILENTLY FREAKED.

I WANTED TO RUN AWAY. I FELT TRAPED, SILLY ENOUGH BUT….. I DID.  I WOULD NOT EVEN SPEAK TO HIM THE NEXT DAY OR TWO, HOWEVER LONG WE WERE THERE. IT DID MAKE HIS SISTER, ALSO IN HIGH SCHOOL, HAPPY WITH ME.   FUNNY

LATER FRANCES TOLD ME SOMETHING ABOUT DARRELS FAMILY THOUGHT I TREATED HIM BADLY. ALTHOUGH NOT A CATHOLIC, I ALWAYS FELT GUILTY ABOUT ANY OR,  & EVERYTHING, FELT NO GUILT AT ALL. JUST GLAD NOONE WAS TALKING MARRIAGE TO ME.

PATRICIA

 

PLIEN AIR PAINTING

A LIFE TIME AGO IN MEW MEXICO, IN THE EARLY 1980’S I PAINTED A SHORT DISTANCE UP THE VALLEY, HEADING TOWARD COLORADO. I HAD SET UP TO PAINT THE ASPEN TREES ALONG SIDE THE WASH, WHICH WAS PROBALY A CREEK IN TIMES PAST. NOW ONLY AFTER A GOOD RAIN. MAYBE A”GULLY WASHER” SUCH AS WE HAD ON THE FARM, I GREW UP ON.

I THINK THAT I DID GET RID OF THIS PAINTING AFTER FINISHING IT. WHEN I WAS NOT HAPPY WITH A PAINTING I WOULD JUST PAINTING SOMETHING OVER IT.

LATER WHEN COLEEN WAS A TEENAGER SHE WOULD COME HOME FROM SCHOOL AND TAKE PAINTINGS I HAD DISCARDED OUT OF THE TRASH AND KEEP THEM.

PATRICIA

 

GIFT’S FROM GOD

HERE IS MY LITTLE BIT OF MISCHIEVOUSNESSA. SHE WAS SUCH A DELIGHT.

SHE DID ASK ME HOW BABIES “GET OUT”. NOW MY EXPERIENCE WITH HER BROTHER HAD GONE DIFFERENTLY. I HAD A BOOK AND EACH TIME THE SUBJECT OF HOW BABIES ARE MADE.  MARK FOLLOWED THE BOOK,WITH THE ANSWERS TO QUESTIONS 1,2,3 AND ECT. ALL IN THE ORDER THEY WERE WRITTEN IN THE BOOK. SO EASY WITH HIM. AFTER I WOULD READ OUT OF THE BOOK, OFF HE WENT TO CONTINUE HIS PLAYING..

COLEEN’S FIRST QUESTION WAS AT THE END OF THE BOOK, SHE THOUGHT SHE KNEW ALL THE OTHER STUFF. SHE REFUSED TO LOOK AT THE SWEET LITTLE BOOK, BUT DID EXPECT A ANSWER TO HER QUESTION. I HAVE ALWAYS BELIEVED WHEN A CHILD ASKS A QUESTION IT SHOULD BE ANSWERED, SO I DID ANSWER IT.

THAT LITTLE GIRL LAUGHED LIKE YOU WOULD NOT BELIEVE. I GUESS SHE MUST HAVE THOUGHT, “GOOD ONE MOM”. AFTER SHE FINALLY STOPPED LAUGHING, SHE WENT ON WITH HER BUSINESS OF PLAYING.

PATRICIA

Coleen

RODERICK RICHARD GARRETT   AKA RODDY

WHO IS RETIRED FROM CRESCENT CITY STATE PRISON

YOU DO NOT REALIZE WHAT HAPPENED THE DAY COLEEN CAME HOME FROM LUBBOCK CHRISTIAN COLLEGE.  WHILE YOU WERE OUT SHE TOLD ME ABOUT YOU MOLESTING HER. THE FACT THAT YOU HAD PUT YOUR HANDS ON HER, SHOCKED ME INTO A STATE OF MIND I HAD NEVER BEEN IN BEFORE. OVER TWO HOURS LATER I CAME BACK TO MYSELF AS COLEEN WAS TAKING YOUR HAND GUN OUT OF MY HANDS AND GENTLY TALKING TO ME. APPARENTLY SHE HAD BEEN TAKING THE GUN & PUTTING IT AWAY AND I HAD BEEN GETTING IT AGAIN. AFTERWARD I REALIZED IF YOU HAD COME HOME DURING THAT TIME I WOULD HAVE SHOT YOU DEAD. WHILE YOU HAVE ATTEMPTED TO KILL ME THREE DIFFERENT TIMES & BY THE GRACE OF GOD DID NOT SUCCEED, I, WHO AM NOT A MURDERER, WAS SHOCKED THAT I COULD HAVE TAKEN YOUR LIFE. THAT SCARED ME AND I THREW A FEW CLOTHES & COLEEN & WE WENT TO ONE OF MY  GIRL FRIENDS HOUSE TO STAY.

YOU HAVE HACKED INTO ALL OF MY SITES AND ENJOYED KEEPING ME FROM USING THEM AND NOW ONCE AGAIN YOU HAVE DONE SO INTO MY GOOGLE ACCOUNT. I HAVE TOLD YOU ON TWITTER & OTHER SITES TO STOP MESSING WITH ME AND I WILL NOT MESS WITH YOU.

I HAVE BEEN IN PRAYER ABOUT ALL OF THIS AND NOW I WILL CONTINUE. AS COLEEN TOLD ME THE REST OF WHAT YOU DID TO HER, THAT HAS EXPLAINED TO ME WHAT YOU MENT WHEN YOU TOLD ME,”COLEEN IS MINE, SHE BELONGS TO ME TO DO WHAT I WANT TO DO” I DID NOT KNOW THEN WHAT A DEMEANING AND DESTRUCTIVE ACT YOU HAD COMITTED.

YOU MAKE THE SLIME ON THE BOTTOM OF A DUCK POND LOOK CLEAN COMPARED TO YOU. DO NOT COME AROUND THIS PROCTIVE MOM. MY DEAR HUSBAND, MICHAEL ADVISES ME AND I AM CALM, AGAIN BY THE GRACE OF GOD. GOD PUT MICHAEL INTO MY LIFE AND I NOW KNOW WHAT IT’S LIKE TO HAVE A GOOD MAN’S TRUE LOVE.

I CAN BLOG ABOUT YOU EVERY DAY IF I SO CHOOSE. IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT TO HAPPEN?

Patricia